Classified Ads..Would You See This in America?

Okay, here are some real ads in one of the local newspapers. I kid you not. This is the real newspaper, not some tabloid crap, and these are real ads! Wouldn't it be funny to open up your newspaper every day and see some of these? Yeah, I even included the phone numbers, in case any of you are interested in pursuing these! :)

INTOXICATIVE PROVOCATIVES - Set Your Love on Fire - 726-6261
(okay, that is all the ad says. one can only wonder. i don't know if we want to go there. Seems to me if your "love" is on fire either way, you got a SERIOUS problem on your hands.)

Erectile Dysfunction? Need a Womb Cleanser or Diabetes Pills? We can give you anything! We have it all! 638-4386
(I have nothing to add, that says enough.)

Senior Citizens Matchmaking and Escort Service - We Accommodate. 672-3340
(Okay, folks, accommodate is the magic word down here for, um, entertainment)

for you Dish Network people...turn a hobby into cash!
Will Modify Dish Network Receivers, and yellow card also, 311 and 811, will even deliver to your door. Let Us Help You In Many More Ways To Enjoy Your TV! Same-day service - 665-1969
(Is this REALLY an ad about DTV at all? not sure about all the numbers..but maybe I should switch to Dish while I am down here. NOT. LOL)

We Make Hotel and House Calls - Just Tell Us Where and We Are THERE! We are clean, we accommodate, and we can even give you a full body massage. 731-3362
(Okay, I take it that the full body massage is the added bonus? lol)

Horseback Riding with Saddle or Bareback - Enjoy the Ride - Valencia 744-4001
(Am I the only one who sees the humor in this? Have I been alone too long?)

Come Into Our Giant Showroom! Be Educated By A Friendly Staff! Become the Stud You Are Desiring! Get a Free Full Body Massage With Toy Purchase of Over 200.00! 662-1759
(Ahh, this is really IFFY. I don't know about being educated by "a friendly staff," and I am a little concerned about any man wanting to be the stud he is desiring. Okay, I love gay people just as much as the next person, but come on!)

I have noticed that a lot of the classified ads have a lot of exclamations, like they are really excited about this stuff. I am glad for 'em, 'cause I ain't sharin' in the excitement, that's for d*mn sure. :)) The amusement factor of just reading the paper is awesome, though.

Quincy Meets the Washer and Dryer
Quincy had to hang out at my house all day today, just in case the air conditioner people came to work on the living room air conditioner (which they have said they were going to do for the past 2 weeks), and he hadn't done his laundry, so I told him, hey dude, just bring your laundry along and do it while you are here, no problem! At that time, he admitted to me that he had never used a washing machine and dryer, that they use a wash basin and hang their clothes outside to dry. I showed him how to use it yesterday, so he brought his clothes over today while I was at work. To make a long story short, he pulled the clothes out when the washer paused right before the final spin (he thought it was finished), and he put soaking-wet clothes in the dryer, and it took like 4 hours to dry them (even had them on the plain air setting with no heat the first hour..lol). He decided that he was never doing this again because he doesn't have time for "such modern conveniences". While he was waiting for forever for his clothes, he got hungry, so he went over to the store and bought some groceries (since I don't really keep anything) and cooked up some food, ate, cleaned house, watched some Premiere League Football, and took a nap. My house was spotless when I got home, so I guess it was worth it to listen to him complain for hours about how "slow" the washing and drying process was. The air conditioning guy still didn't show up. Good thing I have air conditioners in every room of the house, so I don't even notice that the one in the living room isn't working right. It gets cool, freezes up, and then when you turn it off, huge chunks of ice start falling out (it is up near the ceiling, operated with remote control). Heck, don't even really need air conditioning here anyway, since there is always a breeze blowing and virtually no humidity. Oh, and his cousin's house got raided last night (his cousin is a ganja dealer) and the police beat the cousin really badly and keep moving him from jail to jail so his mother can't find him to bail him out because they are pissed at him because he beat the last charges they had him for a few months ago. The police are very corrupt here. Here, you don't need a search warrant for anything at all (okay, wayy worse than the US), and they keep like 16 people in a cell that is approximately 10 x 10 ft...with a bucket in the corner and no chair or bed or anything. If you have to go to jail, be glad you are in the states. I am glad I didn't have to go to a real jail a few weeks ago after the immigrations thing. Whew. I am staying on the good side of the law, for sure. :)